Saw the psychologist last night
So I saw the psychologist last night. He was very nice and I felt comfortable with him, though I am a bit put out that they scheduled me with him (I am a new patient to this guy) when he is graduating from school shortly and doesn't know what his availability will be when he starts his new full time job somewhere else in a few weeks! But I'm not one who has to gradually open up to a therapist, I am an open book, so I'm still going to go back to him. And it's not like I'm in some big crisis here either.
He asked me what things I was concerned about and I told him the primary thing I want to work on right now is the fact that I am so damn insecure. He suggested it was a trust issue but I don't think that's it. I do not have any concerns whatsoever that Walter is going to cheat on me. It's more of fears that I am not good enough or that I will somehow fuck things up type of thing.
We also talked about my "social phobia" or whatever you want to call it; how I won't do things in front of people, such as mini golf, or doing archery when Walter, me, his brother, and his brother's girlfriend went away. He asked me what stops me and I told him that I just can't get beyond the fear of making a fool of myself or of having people judge me or think I'm stupid or whatever. Rationally I know that is not true. Nobody cares if I can do miniature golf or archery well. Nobody's going to judge me on it. But that fear is so pervasive and it is sometimes impossible to overcome.
His advice on that was that I need to force myself to do it. I told him no way could I do it with a bunch of people around, but I think I'd be ok with just Walter. He said that right now I'm in this mindset of "I can't do it" (which is true) and if I force myself to do it then I will be able to say to myself "Well, I did it that one time..." and go on from there.
He also said that it sounds like I think too much and analyze stuff too much. I laughed so hard with that because it is SO TRUE. I sit there and analyze "what did that look mean?" "what did he mean when he said that" etc. - and then I think of all kinds of negative things it could mean - and get myself all worked up over nothing. So he said to use imagery - imagine that the involuntary subconscious thoughts of negative stuff are being counteracted with my conscious thoughts - that not everything has a deep hidden meaning - to take things at face value - and to force myself to stop obsessing over it. Man, that will be hard. Because I do obsess over everything and I do analyze everything. But I think he's right, too.
I go back to him on April 5th (I think). Will keep you posted.
He asked me what things I was concerned about and I told him the primary thing I want to work on right now is the fact that I am so damn insecure. He suggested it was a trust issue but I don't think that's it. I do not have any concerns whatsoever that Walter is going to cheat on me. It's more of fears that I am not good enough or that I will somehow fuck things up type of thing.
We also talked about my "social phobia" or whatever you want to call it; how I won't do things in front of people, such as mini golf, or doing archery when Walter, me, his brother, and his brother's girlfriend went away. He asked me what stops me and I told him that I just can't get beyond the fear of making a fool of myself or of having people judge me or think I'm stupid or whatever. Rationally I know that is not true. Nobody cares if I can do miniature golf or archery well. Nobody's going to judge me on it. But that fear is so pervasive and it is sometimes impossible to overcome.
His advice on that was that I need to force myself to do it. I told him no way could I do it with a bunch of people around, but I think I'd be ok with just Walter. He said that right now I'm in this mindset of "I can't do it" (which is true) and if I force myself to do it then I will be able to say to myself "Well, I did it that one time..." and go on from there.
He also said that it sounds like I think too much and analyze stuff too much. I laughed so hard with that because it is SO TRUE. I sit there and analyze "what did that look mean?" "what did he mean when he said that" etc. - and then I think of all kinds of negative things it could mean - and get myself all worked up over nothing. So he said to use imagery - imagine that the involuntary subconscious thoughts of negative stuff are being counteracted with my conscious thoughts - that not everything has a deep hidden meaning - to take things at face value - and to force myself to stop obsessing over it. Man, that will be hard. Because I do obsess over everything and I do analyze everything. But I think he's right, too.
I go back to him on April 5th (I think). Will keep you posted.
If you want to test out the 'social phobia' try these things out: 1. If you're in a crowded place, such as a bank, can you sign your name on a deposit/withdrawl slip or otherwise do any handwriting? Does your hand shake? 2. Does being in a crowded restaurant affect your eating at all? Is it difficult to do? 3. Can you tell a joke or s long story to a group of people, when all of the attention is on you?
If you were able to answer "no, notta prob at all" to all of the above then I would doubt that you have clinical 'social phobia'. In order to have a social phobia you usually rquire the diagnosis of 'Generalized Anxiety Disorder' which, I believe is still true, some form of Panic Attack.
The incident at the archery place may have just been an isolated, specific fear that randomly popped up as you may have been racing at the time already. That or you were just feeling self conscious about something or another - something so normal that to those of us that are extremely perceptive (ie: always analyzing :) would appear to be something wrong, rather than normal.
BTW - really like your blog. You tell it like it is and everyone has got to love your fashion of randomly inserting cute LOL's here and there :)
Got you logged into my feed reader and will probably be a regular.
Also, don't go to my blog - my blog bascially details crushes that I have on 4 women, other than my wife of 20 years (well, 20 next month :) and my other blog is a true gore blog that might be very distasteful to some (orally and graphically as I like to explore death).
Cheers and keep up the excellent work,
Nomadite
- 18 yr Anxiety Disorder/Panic Attack vet, probably OCD too :)
- 16 yr Clean & Sober
- 7 months no FRIGGIN smokes....*eeks*
- father of 4
- 22 yr government worker (Child & Youth Worker w/autistic and PDD children, adolscents and adults - go figure)
- and, got my own business: web design (stay-at-home-dad has to do something when not working weekends :)
- known for long comments :)
Posted by
Nomadite |
3/29/2006 12:27 PM
Thanks for the compliments. :)
I know I don't have *true* Social Phobia. It's more of a Performance Anxiety thing - but I don't know if that is a real syndrome or whatever. I think that is mostly attributed to entertainers, sports, etc. With me it's mostly anything I am doing. I can't type correctly if someone's watching me. Can't dance... play mini golf... the archery... Things like that. Definitely, definitely self-conscious, to the point I almost freeze thinking about it.
Posted by
DramaPrincess |
3/29/2006 12:44 PM
I know exactly what you mean. I'm so scared of doing things in front of people for fear I'll get laughed at or judged. It's on my list of things to work on (among many others, lol). I like your blog. I don't know any other bipolars in the real world. It's nice to know some in here.
Posted by
Arianna |
5/02/2006 1:45 AM