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Monday, September 11, 2006 

Ugh - manic again

So much for doing so well. I thought that the irritability was a one-day thing, but the last few days I have been sooo irritable I am driving Walter (my boyfriend) and Corinne (my daughter) crazy. Dumb ass things are pissing me off. I snap, but don't fly off the handle, and go off by myself when that happens.

I have not had any more impulses to go off driving or drink or cause damage, thank God. I think a big part of being able to keep that in control is the fact that I got a DWI a little more than a year ago!

I called the dr. and he increased the Lamictal and asked if I still have some Risperdal around, which I do. He said I can take those PRN (as needed) when I'm feeling manic.

Yesterday I was a BITCH. I make dinner over Walter's mom's house on Sundays, and I took the Risperdal around 3 or 4 before we went over. Halfway through dinner I got tired, and after we ate, I laid down and slept for a few hours. When I woke up we went home, and by then I felt like utter crap. I just felt drained of all energy, and I went right back to sleep. I woke up this morning around 4 am to go to the bathroom and stayed up. I had been sleeping since 6:30 the night before! I played around on the internet a bit and did some housework, then came to work. I've been here for 6 hours now and haven't gotten very much done. My attention keeps flitting to other things. Obviously I will take the Risperdal tonight when I'm ready for bed!

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I know exactly what you mean. I tend to fly off the handle myself and every little thing bothers me at times.

I want so bad to leave my house and drive real fast and never stop, just keep on going and scream and cry and just to be left alone.

But I tend to hold myself back which is good I guess:-)

I found that Lamictal turns all depression into anger. In moments where I crash and would have been depressed...I am just bitchy and angry and pissy....like quitting smoking or heroine...or whatever WONDERFUL chemical that was when I was manic....then anger is good because it provides a will that wasn't there B4...but it's probably bad for everyone around me....I have no patience for them...and I am learning that it is ALOT more socially acceptable to be a depressed, passive, destraught woman in society than a woman who is pissed and strong.

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