Diary of a Bipolar

I quit my job a while ago, fully intending to be right back to work, but it didn't work out that way on account of the surgery and such. I also got temporary custody of my 5 yo niece Janell right before Thanksgiving because my sister is unable to take care of her right now for various reasons. Because I can't work for the moment due to the health stuff, I went and applied for medicaid etc. and the caseworker told me that I'd be eligible. The problem is that Janell was getting benefits in NJ and my sister's caseworker has failed to send my caseworker a fax confirming that Janell is not getting them out there anymore, and they can't start my stuff until that happens. I am hoping that when that fax finally arrives it will go back to Dec 1, because right now I have very little meds left. I'm taking less than I'm supposed to so that I don't totally run out, and I can tell. My insurance from my old job lapsed on the 30th but I didn't have the money to pay for the meds because I'd been out of work for 3 weeks and spent what little money I had saved up to go to NJ and get her, and the combined copays are about $100, and my sister has been unemployed for months and didn't have any money to give me. I quite literally have no money left and my bank account is in the negative. My boyfriend has picked up some groceries and such and I still owe him $500 for fixing my van to sell it (which later got stolen and trashed) and I don't want to owe him more than that. I hadn't worried about the meds much before now because I was told several weeks ago I absolutely qualify, but I didn't plan on this fax thing causing a delay.

The Zoloft I'm not overly worried about. I don't get depressed much. The Lamictal is an absolute necessity though. I'm taking 25 - 50% of what I'm supposed to be taking, and I am irritable as HELL. These kids are driving me freaking crazy. I'm in MO and we just had a huge snow storm, and they were off school on Thurs and Fri. They are both only children and not used to being around other kids for long periods of time; my daughter is jealous of the time I spend with/attention I give to Janell; and my daughter is also going out of her mind because Janell constantly wants to be around her and do stuff with her. And at 11 years old having a 5 yo up your rear is irritating as hell so I understand... but I wish they'd stop freaking bickering. I'm SO TIRED of hearing "Aunt Carrie.... Mom...."!

To make things worse, my daughter has head lice! Look at my myspace pictures - she's got SO MUCH HAIR! I have spent countless hours "nit picking" and we're not done by a long shot. She gets impatient at sitting still and then she gets mad when I pull out hairs. I don't want to try to pick off the egg because if I drop it and it stays in her hair.... this way I can see the egg still attached to the hair and I've got a bowl of water to put it in so I know where they are and I can flush them all.

It's only Saturday afternoon... ugh.

There's more details about the van and surgery stuff on my myspace blog if you're interested.

http://blog.myspace.com/phillygirlinmissouri

I am home now. They did the sinus node ablation and cardiac mapping yesterday. I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and so they kept me overnight. The procedure started around 1 pm and I only barely remember waking for a few minutes at 9 pm, then again around 1am and 4 am, but I was throwing up alot which I don't remember much of. Overnight there were several 5-6 second pauses in my heart rate, but that could have been on account of getting sick, so I have a Holter monitor now, and he sees me again on the 18th. My resting heart rate is now about 48, and he wants me to do some moderate activity while I've got the Holter on (I'll probably do tomorrow morning) and let him know how I'm feeling. Based on that and the Holter results he'll decide if I need the pacemaker or not.

So the glucose tolerance test was normal. This is good news! The thyroid is stable for the moment. Also good news. On Monday 11/27 I'm having surgery. And actually this is good news too. I'm too lazy to write it out, so visit my MySpace blog if you want. And add me if you have one too. http://blog.myspace.com/phillygirlinmissouri

In other news, I am taking temporary guardianship of my 5 year old niece. My sister is training with the post office and her hours are going to be crazy, so I'll have Janell until her training is done. My daughter and I are thrilled to have her, and Walter is looking forward to having a little one around too. I leave on Tues 11/21 to get her and will be home on Saturday night, just in time to get her settled and enrolled in school for Monday, when I have the surgery.

The bipolar has been fairly stable. I've still got constant song snippets or something in my head which is really annoying but I guess I'm stuck with them, and I should be grateful that I'm as stable as I am. I've definitely been overspending... but that may just be "me" and not the bipolar.

So I'll check back after the surgery. Wish me luck!